Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
