Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
