Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
