Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
