3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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