I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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