No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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