HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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