I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
