only if we run a train.
done.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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