it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
