...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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