Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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