i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon