Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
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Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.