people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
