No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
