I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away