she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround