I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
