one two three fourrrrnication!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?