3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.