Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!