Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dating After Heartbreak
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on