Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man