her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?