Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?