you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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