Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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