Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
