how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
