chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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