K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
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