just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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