nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i can't believe i had my finger in that
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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