Kiss
Puke
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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