If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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