this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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