You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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