I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
