I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
