So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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