good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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