He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
