I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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