Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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