You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
