drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
