We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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