I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
