Sry I called you an 8
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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