i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
