Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
