just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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