How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
