i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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