The maid of honor just puked.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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