You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
