i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
