Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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