who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
