I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
