Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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