Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
