Need sex. Gaining weight.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
