Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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