One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize