You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
