so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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