She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My bed smells like the plague
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
